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The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
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bucky Offline
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The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
In my experience for every one real fitness girl out there, there are about five guys who lift, eat right, and take their fitness and appearance seriously. While both sexes tend to let themselves go after marriage, women seem to be even worse about this than men.

I’d like to start a thread for married guys who are into health and fitness to comment on how they’ve tried, successfully or not, to get their wives to stay fit and watch their weight after marriage. I’m more interested in stories from married guys because I've found that it’s not that hard to get a woman to work out consistently and eat well when she’s trying to convince you to marry her. Once you’ve signed on the dotted line and gone through with it it’s much harder to get her to stay consistent.

I won’t go into too much detail on my situation right now, but suffice it to say that I recently gave up on trying to get my wife to work out and get back into the shape she was in before we got married and had kids. If she wants to do it on her own I support her, but if not she’s still the mother of my children and a good woman and I appreciate her, skinny fat or not. I do wish she would get back into shape though. Not just for her figure, also for health reasons. Her mom died young from breast cancer for one thing, and staying in shape and eating right would make that less likely.

I’m also more interested in comments from guys from couples who are “natty,” that is, not on gear (performance enhancing drugs) because I think of training natty and on gear as two very different things. One of the reasons I don’t try to push my wife to work out anymore is the shear amount of effort it takes to get good results as a natty. I just finished a hellish legs and back workout and although on the one hand I enjoyed it, on the other hand I sometimes wonder if I’m insane for doing this kind of thing to myself voluntarily for the OK-but-not-amazing results I get (and even those only come if I eat right). Is it realistic to expect a woman who stays home with little kids all day every day to push herself as hard as I do? Maybe not.

Anyway, I’m interested in other married guys’ thoughts.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
02-29-2020 11:00 AM
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kel Offline
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RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
I'm not married, and this might touch a bit on what we're not supposed to talk about on this forum, but one of the girls I'm seeing was hemming and hawing about needing to work out and lose weight and yadda yadda and I just let her go for a while, let her do her own thing, knowing she was flitting from trend to trend and wouldn't have any real success probably but letting her learn that truth for herself.

Eventually it happened and she was discouraged. I'm very dominant - sexually and personally - with women and a number of the women I'm seeing I have a quite explicit dom role with - to start with just sexually, but eventually it establishes itself in our relationship at large, if we're going to have a relationship at all outside of sex. So, I turned part of that sexual domination which we were doing anyways into workout time. I make her suffer, I make her legs sore and her body shake, I make her sweat and beg for release, and she loves it. She gets a physically demanding workout with the humiliation and psychological dominance she loves, and then I have my way with her.

Combine this with simply assigning her meals to make me (she secretly wanted to do the traditional cooking and all that, but had done the hipster lesbian feminist bullshit for a lot of her life, just needed to be told that it's okay to lay down that cross and accept your true nature) and, by proxy, her. She's down 20 pounds in the last 8 months and is noticeably stronger.

Maybe you don't have that relationship with your wife exactly, but point being you need to simply take control. Take her to the gym and tell her what to do. Don't let her do the cardiobunny bullshit that doesn't work. Tell her she's going to do your workout, but scaled for her skill level, and simply do it.
02-29-2020 02:04 PM
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Hell_Is_Like_Newark Offline
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Post: #3
RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
My wife got in fantastic shape (did P90x program) at one point. What motivated her were two things:

1. She had a come to Jesus moment when she found herself out of breath just from walking. She realized how out of shape she was.
2. Being so out of shape would kill her when she got pregnant. She was in serious 'baby mode'.

Wanting that kid really motivated her. A year later, she was in fantastic shape. Squats do an amazing job on a woman's ass. Being in shape saved her, because that kid came out YUGE!.. like a future Hapa linebacker. The pregnancy was high stress.

Her diet still sucked though. With Asians, rice is like meth.. it is hard to get them to quit and move to lower carb diet. I was trying for a while to get her to cut more back on the carbs, sugar, etc...

Her diet has changed radically.. unfortunately, it was because she is recovering from cancer.. A cancer she found out that was fed by her diet. Memorial Sloan Kettering (if anyone in your family gets cancer.. send them there) is now advising low carb intake diets. They are finding more and more evidence that many types of cancers need glucose to grow.

The commitment to exercise is still there as she is slowly getting back into (chemo fucked her up pretty good). The motivating factor is our son. She wants to be around a long time to see him grow up.

To summarize: My wife's motivation to change was motherhood..
03-01-2020 04:02 PM
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FullThrottleTX Offline
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Post: #4
RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
I would never marry a chick who eats poorly. It's such a part of my lifestyle, we wouldn't be able to relate. Exercise too. This is also a case where the man has to be on-point with his own fitness/nutrition - and be a leader. You can never let your guard down.

If a chick isn't in good shape before you get married, that's obviously a canary in the coal mine. She's not going to suddenly get fit post-marriage.
Another factor is if she has a career. Career chicks can deteriorate health-wise, especially after having children.

Frankly, my girlfriends letting go of themselves while we were together was a factor in me getting out of my relationships and in hindsight, I was part of the problem. You've got to lead them to good healthy habits and that means consistency on your end as well.
(This post was last modified: 03-01-2020 04:48 PM by FullThrottleTX.)
03-01-2020 04:48 PM
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bucky Offline
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RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
(03-01-2020 04:48 PM)FullThrottleTX Wrote:  I would never marry a chick who eats poorly. It's such a part of my lifestyle, we wouldn't be able to relate. Exercise too. This is also a case where the man has to be on-point with his own fitness/nutrition - and be a leader. You can never let your guard down.

If a chick isn't in good shape before you get married, that's obviously a canary in the coal mine. She's not going to suddenly get fit post-marriage.
Another factor is if she has a career. Career chicks can deteriorate health-wise, especially after having children.

Frankly, my girlfriends letting go of themselves while we were together was a factor in me getting out of my relationships and in hindsight, I was part of the problem. You've got to lead them to good healthy habits and that means consistency on your end as well.

Good points, but not relevant to the thread. I'm really hoping to hear from some married guys eventually.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
03-01-2020 10:12 PM
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bucky Offline
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Post: #6
RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
(03-01-2020 04:02 PM)Hell_Is_Like_Newark Wrote:  My wife got in fantastic shape (did P90x program) at one point. What motivated her were two things:

1. She had a come to Jesus moment when she found herself out of breath just from walking. She realized how out of shape she was.
2. Being so out of shape would kill her when she got pregnant. She was in serious 'baby mode'.

Wanting that kid really motivated her. A year later, she was in fantastic shape. Squats do an amazing job on a woman's ass. Being in shape saved her, because that kid came out YUGE!.. like a future Hapa linebacker. The pregnancy was high stress.

Her diet still sucked though. With Asians, rice is like meth.. it is hard to get them to quit and move to lower carb diet. I was trying for a while to get her to cut more back on the carbs, sugar, etc...

Her diet has changed radically.. unfortunately, it was because she is recovering from cancer.. A cancer she found out that was fed by her diet. Memorial Sloan Kettering (if anyone in your family gets cancer.. send them there) is now advising low carb intake diets. They are finding more and more evidence that many types of cancers need glucose to grow.

The commitment to exercise is still there as she is slowly getting back into (chemo fucked her up pretty good). The motivating factor is our son. She wants to be around a long time to see him grow up.

To summarize: My wife's motivation to change was motherhood..

Finally, someone married. Hadn't noticed you'd posted before. That's great that your wife got motivated by having a kid. Not so great that cancer had to be the catalyst. That's what I want to avoid with my wife since she's at risk based on what happened to her mom.

Even though the first guy who answered isn't married, I liked his idea about going drill Sargent mode on your woman. Not really my nature, but it's likely a good idea. Over the years I have managed to acquire "alpha" behaviors that contradict conventional wisdom on how to handle a relationship so why not extend that to my wife's fitness and health. Drill Sargent might even be a bit of an exaggeration in my case: even firm encouragement might work, rather than leaving it to her to work out or not depending on whether she feels like it. We all know how well just working out when you feel like it normally goes.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
03-01-2020 10:21 PM
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Dilated Offline
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Post: #7
RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
My ex-wife went from a 115 lb. professional fitness competitor to 175 lbs. in less than 2 years of marriage. I don’t think I’m qualified to weigh in.

I can’t prove it but I think she did it just to piss me off. Cannot negotiate with someone like that.
03-01-2020 10:29 PM
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bucky Offline
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RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
(03-01-2020 10:29 PM)Dilated Wrote:  My ex-wife went from a 115 lb. professional fitness competitor to 175 lbs. in less than 2 years of marriage. I don’t think I’m qualified to weigh in.

I can’t prove it but I think she did it just to piss me off. Cannot negotiate with someone like that.

It happens a lot. Far more often than not, really. Once you sign on the dotted line a woman's motivation tends to dry up.

This is why I'm grateful to some extent that mine just went from being pretty fit to skinny fat, basically how she was when I found her + some additional damage from bearing her first child after 30. She makes an effort to eat more-or-less healthy and works out "when she can" and is still probably in the top 10% lookswise for married women her age.

Basically, it could be much worse and I find that my feelings for her are more and more based on her being a good woman, her faith in God, and her being the mother of my children. That said, there's the health aspect. More muscle and less fat is just better for you and lowers your cancer risk, as does eating right. Then there's her great genetics (long legs, small waist, naturally thin) and the knowledge that if I could somehow get her to work as hard as I do she'd be one of those rare women who makes it to middle age while still looking good naked. Like I said, not the highest priority anymore, but it would be pretty great.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
03-01-2020 10:42 PM
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Parlay44 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
Your wife is supposed to get fat. It keeps her loyal, appreciative and taking care of the kids while you're out hustling for a living.

That's why men traditionally keep a mistress on the side.

Team Nachos
03-02-2020 05:22 PM
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Laner Offline
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RE: The getting your wife to work out and eat right thread
Like most women who have self respect, my wife just watched her calories, ate healthy whole foods, and walked and did Pilates.

When she moved in with me the year before we got married she saw my meal prep and added to it. To her, it was boring. But she saw the logic in it. So we meal prepped the week by doing a menu and shopping for it on Sundays and sticking to the menu through the week. It meant not eating out - dinner OR lunch until Friday or Saturday. The economics of it was still there - no wasted food - but the flair and depth I lacked suddenly came out. It was better for both of us, and was the result of both our desire for healthy foods.

Working out was a different matter. It took a little longer, but once it caught, she was hooked. I lead her by example. Its no use nagging a chick to hit the squat rack if you are just hitting the treadmill. But we had no kids so we had plenty of time and we bought memberships to a high end gym together. For me it was a step down in gym life, but a step up in quality. But I figured if we could work out together once a week it might be fun, and I would also help her track progress.

Women are not much different than men in needing to see progress to get motivated. So I got her a little notebook with her weight and set her up with a bit of a variation of the Strong Lifts method. I got her to take a picture of herself in her underwear in front of a mirror at home, first thing in the morning, the very first session. Then every week thereafter.

Like most young and healthy women she progressed quickly at first. Her squats and deadlifts, especially, increased rapidly. And the visual results in the mirror reflected her gains. After a month her notebook and her visuals - not to mention her sex drive and her energy levels - hooked her for good. She dropped her Pilates to once or twice a week and concentrated on the weights in the gym.

The most fit she ever was when she got pregnant with our son. She worked out and had sex til the day before she gave birth. It was all such a part of her life. Some of her other fit mom friends gave the advise that how you go into your pregnancy, is how you come out of your pregnancy. And its true, all these women were back to flat stomachs no visible signs of kids within 6 weeks. I think my wife was back into her lifting and Pilates routine by week 3.

Kids do become more work as they get older, but in a different way. A baby in a basket in the gym is common here, but you can't exactly let a toddler run around. So for a couple years she was only in the gym twice a week and she did a momma Pilates class twice a month at her friends studio. She complains a bit these days about not getting as much gym time, and just recently she has been able to schedule in 4 days a week again and is pretty excited that she is seeing results again. She did soften somewhat during those years of less gym time, but she had a good foundation and the softening actually made her a bit more feminine looking.
03-02-2020 06:16 PM
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