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Being married is sapping my desire for life
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PixelFree Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Being married is sapping my desire for life
(02-11-2020 04:42 AM)questor70 Wrote:  You don't want to set such a low bar that you begin to feel your wife is an interchangeable part with nothing about her that makes her compatible or interesting outside of SMV.

Yes, agreed. But (if you are like me), you'll be with Miss Awesome for 18-24 months, then your eyes will start to wander. You'll want to make sure you have something to fall back on other than lustful looks. Someone who is nice to be with as well.

At this point if you can think most marriage of the past was just basically two strangers, you should think to yourself that you're doing pretty well and be content with your situation.

That's the theory, anyway.
02-12-2020 06:15 AM
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griffinmill Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Being married is sapping my desire for life
I'm 41 now.

I broke off my only long-term relationship about 5 years ago and don't regret it. I've been single since then playing the field. I'm happy with this because it feels "right" for me. I have never had any kind of urge to have a family. I wish I did though because I realise in the long-term it would be nice to have someone around.

In the short term things are fun. Sure, it can get a little lonely sometimes but I find women incredibly hard work. They like drama, they're inconsistent, they have a tendency to suck the joy right out of you, and they can also be domineering. This domineering nature to women is what frightens me the most. I'm an only child and have a streak of independence. You sound like you have one of those rare breeds; kind and submissive. You should not undervalue that.

What you must realise is that good, solid relationships are in the minority. You could meet the "perfect" girl tomorrow and be very happy. But what if she cheats? Dies of cancer? Decides to divorce you and take half of your stuff? There are "happy endings" only when you choose to stop the story at a certain point.

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal.

I think the only way to combat that total boredom in a relationship is to marry someone who's your best friend. But if you've experienced any kind of sexual variety in your life, you'll not so easily be able to resign yourself to mating in captivity.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

a) Stay with your current partner and be content with total boredom and wish to be with other women. Continue this until you die.
b) Break up with your current partner and be happy as a single guy, with your brain playing tricks on you forever about the "perfect" girl you let go.

It seems to me your current relationship is on shaky ground anyway. Her finding your other women on your phone is a rookie mistake and leads me to believe you wanted to get caught. It doesn't seem a particularly healthy bonding.
(This post was last modified: 02-12-2020 08:24 AM by griffinmill.)
02-12-2020 08:19 AM
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Lunostrelki Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Being married is sapping my desire for life
(02-12-2020 03:33 AM)the-dream Wrote:  
(02-11-2020 05:13 PM)Lunostrelki Wrote:  I can think of at least half a dozen good habits or skills that I learned because of her, none of which go against my life philosophy.

What were these?
- driving (I had a license before but never bothered to get good)
- how to assert myself better when dealing with people who are likely to take advantage of me
- basic business sense
- being more concise
- not being as prone to get involved in things that aren't my business
- doing stuff more quickly
- "your ideas are good, but reality is harsh."
02-12-2020 12:21 PM
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the-dream Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Being married is sapping my desire for life
@Lunostrelki Sounds like you have a great girl there! Most women would have the opposite effect.
02-13-2020 02:41 AM
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