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My wife left me and it's my fault
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WombRaider Offline
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Post: #76
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 11:55 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Banks, by now you have enough information to get started and you have an idea of which members you can PM for spiritually sound advice.

There is nothing more to be gained by gathering an increasing chorus of children suggesting you take the easiest way out.

I suggest you ask Roosh to close this thread because from this point on it will become counter-productive to your path to redemption.

The cancel culture is strong in this one.

Quote:You are deliberately using vulgar language to stoke OP's fears.

Yes, I am. I believe I explained as much.

OP seems to think it matters whether he pursues her or moves to her country or not. I'm highly skeptical that she'd be receptive. By the time she has moved away and cut or limited contact, there's somebody else in the picture. If you have the slightest bit of experience with women, you'll understand that.
01-16-2020 08:40 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #77
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-16-2020 08:08 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  ...
I don't appreciate you telling me what my faith is. You don't know anything about any of our relationships with God.

Point taken. I apologize for jumping to conclusions.

(01-16-2020 08:40 AM)WombRaider Wrote:  ...If you have the slightest bit of experience with women, you'll understand that.

Unlike a lot of men inhabiting the manosphere I have experience with a broad range of women. Not just inner city tinder sluts or stories of modern degenerate women broadcast over the internet. Your personal point of view seems to mesh directly with bitter incel world experience wherein you see women entirely through the lens of places like /pol that focus like a laser on the most degenerate women in the world and extrapolate that to mean all other women are equally degenerate.

I'm not saying that's definitely you, but it's how you read.

I'm old enough to be an oldfag when it comes to this stuff so when guys with virtually no details about a woman jump immediately on the bandwagon of "she's already fucking other dudes, bro" I can conclude with certainty that they have no broad experience with women and are crippled with internet-based tunnel vision, or at best they live somewhere like New York city.

Lots of women go for years after a breakup without having sex. Some women aren't even really that fond of sex at all for a number of possible reasons. Some of them are highly inherently moral. But of course you rubbed your crystal ball and immediately saw that she was sleeping with dozens of men like some sort of porn star. As you said yourself, "I'm certain of it".

Based on that the rest of us can be certain only of the fact that you inhabit a self-created world of filth where you cannot imagine others not acting filthily.

There is a very large world outside of your imagination filled with a vast array of people who are not as you imagine them to be.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2020 11:01 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
01-16-2020 10:46 AM
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bucky Offline
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Post: #78
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-16-2020 08:40 AM)WombRaider Wrote:  OP seems to think it matters whether he pursues her or moves to her country or not. I'm highly skeptical that she'd be receptive. By the time she has moved away and cut or limited contact, there's somebody else in the picture. If you have the slightest bit of experience with women, you'll understand that.

Also, let's be honest, the feelings OP has about the sanctity of marriage, his ex being "the one" and so on would probably not be the same if she'd ballooned up to 200 pounds. She's probably still hot, hence OP still has deep romantic feelings for her AND she's getting lots of offers from other guys. As an irreligious woman, it's a safe bet that she's taking up those offers.

Again, I speak from experience here. I went through something very similar with my little blonde, tight-bodied Russian ex.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-16-2020 10:49 AM
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WombRaider Offline
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Post: #79
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-16-2020 10:49 AM)bucky Wrote:  She's probably still hot, hence OP still has deep romantic feelings for her AND she's getting lots of offers from other guys.

And if she's still in the U.S., she'd still be getting plenty of offers even at 200+ pounds!
01-16-2020 10:56 AM
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Post: #80
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 11:55 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Banks, by now you have enough information to get started and you have an idea of which members you can PM for spiritually sound advice.

Present company included, I presume.

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01-16-2020 10:59 AM
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Post: #81
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Maybe WR will finally have time to find himself that elusive 4....

They who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety- Benjamin Franklin, as if you didn't know...
01-16-2020 01:31 PM
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Post: #82
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Abundance Mentality = Hope. Without irrational hope, we never accomplish what we can.

Best case scenario: You get yourself sorted out, and the marriage comes back together.

2nd Best: You don't sort yourself out, and she finds somebody else that allows her to live her life.

Worst Case: You don't sort yourself out, you guilt her back, and the two of you live in misery and resentment for the rest of your years.

She obviously has some issues as well - I'm too far away (seeing her through your own distorted lens) to have any inkling of what those are, but her attraction to you in the first place shows that something was off. Ideally, you get yourself to the point where you can lead her back to the church.

As to this need to contact her - and I'm just proffering a suggestion here, anybody who's working with you directly has greater authority over what I suggest - maybe every month, or at most two weeks, writer her a letter via email about what you've been doing and how you're overcoming your struggles. Don't expect or demand a response. Don't dictate how she ought to be living. Use these emails to get this contact-monkey off your back, and show her that you're making progress.

Quite frankly, you're not in a position to be worrying about marriage right now; you should be scared stiff about the Hell that you're turning your life into, with or without her. On your current trajectory you're going to be suffering incredibly by your forties.

You're the priority here - not your marriage. You need divine Grace. Pray for it.

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01-16-2020 01:53 PM
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Post: #83
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Leonard, thanks for the advice. And I agree with basically everything you've said except this (although I might be misunderstanding what you meant by this):

(01-15-2020 11:24 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Considering everything that's happened, would it be unreasonable punishment that she slept with other men while you reformed yourself?

If you're saying she could potentially sleep with other men while I get my shit together and then take me back afterwards, that's not going to happen. Assuming I would even want her back after she cucked me (it's very likely I wouldn't), it simply wouldn't happen. I know her very well and I know she would only sleep with another man if she was 100% sure she was done with me and she was interested in a serious relationship with this new man.

Someone in my family who knows her very well once told me "Rob, you don't need to worry about her getting with another man because if that happens it means she was already done with you anyway."

(01-16-2020 01:53 PM)Aurini Wrote:  ...
She obviously has some issues as well - I'm too far away (seeing her through your own distorted lens) to have any inkling of what those are, but her attraction to you in the first place shows that something was off.
...

Ouch.

But true. To be honest, I was always a little confused as to why she was attracted to me in the first place given that she's always known about my issues. I think her initial attraction to me had something to do with her medical condition and the fact that I never treated her differently for it (while others probably did). Also, my being an American citizen didn't hurt. After we finally slept together, she stayed attracted to me because she has self-respect and she wasn't just going to forget about the man she gave her virginity to.

Towards the end of our time together, she would have these extreme mood swings where one day everything was fine and the very next day she was calling me a no-good drug addict, telling me she doesn't love me, and threatening to throw me out of her apartment (even though I wasn't using drugs at the time). The following day everything would be fine again and the cycle would repeat. Eventually, after weeks of these mood swings, I would eventually snap and do something crazy or violent which would make the situation 1000 times worse.

Anyway, I guess all I can do is get right with God, be the best man I can be, and hope and pray that it isn't too late to fix things.
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2020 03:47 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-16-2020 02:54 PM
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Post: #84
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
I'm not suggesting that you should take her back if sleeps with another man. Simply that your prior conduct precludes being able to reasonably demand fidelity from her.

You should take heart that there are thousands and thousands of marriages that had extremely rocky starts like this one and end with a vast direct-lineage family surrounding the side-by-side graves of their parents/grandparents/great-grandparents.

You cannot know what the future holds for you, particularly in these troubling times. Put your best foot forward and keep advancing.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
01-17-2020 06:55 AM
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Post: #85
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-16-2020 02:54 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  
(01-16-2020 01:53 PM)Aurini Wrote:  ...
She obviously has some issues as well - I'm too far away (seeing her through your own distorted lens) to have any inkling of what those are, but her attraction to you in the first place shows that something was off.
...

Ouch.

But true. To be honest, I was always a little confused as to why she was attracted to me in the first place given that she's always known about my issues. I think her initial attraction to me had something to do with her medical condition and the fact that I never treated her differently for it (while others probably did). Also, my being an American citizen didn't hurt. After we finally slept together, she stayed attracted to me because she has self-respect and she wasn't just going to forget about the man she gave her virginity to.

Towards the end of our time together, she would have these extreme mood swings where one day everything was fine and the very next day she was calling me a no-good drug addict, telling me she doesn't love me, and threatening to throw me out of her apartment (even though I wasn't using drugs at the time). The following day everything would be fine again and the cycle would repeat. Eventually, after weeks of these mood swings, I would eventually snap and do something crazy or violent which would make the situation 1000 times worse.

Anyway, I guess all I can do is get right with God, be the best man I can be, and hope and pray that it isn't too late to fix things.

Has no one brought up the bad boy aspect of why your wife/ex-wife was or is attracted to you yet? I'm surprised to see guys who've been on this forum for years confused as to why a woman would be into a violent drug user. "Women would rather be abused by an alpha than pedastalized by a beta" is the way I remember someone here putting it once. It's true. It's occurred to me that your abusive behavior might be the main thing keeping whatever attraction she has for you alive.

What you do with this knowledge, I don't know. Your behavior has been sinful and wrong but here in Satan's kingdom such behavior will often get you women, even sweet little good girls like your ex. I find that with my wife, also Latina, also a virgin when I met her, I have to suppress my more beta, nice-guy instincts a lot of the time, but I've never been into drugs or drinking or had your violent tendencies, so it's much easier for me to find the proper balance.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-17-2020 10:07 AM
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Post: #86
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
So I went to church today. It was my first time ever going to church. It was a church I found through the SSPX link that Augustus_Principe posted here.

The priest was younger than me (or at least he looked like he was) but he was nice. I spoke to him after the service. I think I'll go back next week.

I guess I'll take Aurini's advice and just write to my wife every 2-4 weeks to let her know how I'm doing. I'm not sure how much I should mention the religious stuff to her because she doesn't like religion and she might take it to mean I'm looking for an outside entity to blame (the devil, demons, etc.) instead of taking responsibility for my own actions.

I just got something for her in the mail so I'll probably write to her tomorrow. Staying calm when she doesn't respond is going to be hard. But I guess I don't have a choice. I just have to take you guys' advice and trust God to keep her close to me.
(This post was last modified: 01-19-2020 08:58 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-19-2020 08:54 PM
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Post: #87
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
There is a stereotype (which isn't without real examples, to be honest) of somebody becoming a church-goer, and replacing their previous idiotic worldview (Sex, Drugs, Rock n' roll, yeah!) with the equal-opposite idiotic worldview (I'm a born again virgin!). It's similar to how Alcoholics Anonymous is (sometimes) just a replacement of one addiction with another.

Personally, I find the utility of the Church is that it explains things far more effectively than Utilitarianism, Psychology, or "I Fucking Love Science" does; it incorporates all of the modern beliefs systems, but fills them to completion, and has a far more complex and nuanced statement on the nature of things. Not that I worship God because it's useful - but one of the proofs of God is that worshipping him is useful.

Ergo, it's possible to discuss many of the insights you have through the Church without specifically mentioning 'churchy' subjects and alienating your audience. I think not mentioning your new religiosity is wise - it will also help prevent you from adopting egoistic definitions of being a Catholic... be careful of new converts who wear their religion on their sleeves.

I'm currently working through this book. Written by a psychiatrist, informed by scripture, and informed by Thomist philosophy, it is an excellent breakdown of the nature of the human mind. You might get some value out of it. It's not the sort of book title I'd normally read, but the content is top notch.

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01-20-2020 01:33 PM
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Post: #88
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Thanks Aurini.

I was going to send her a letter where I mentioned church. I guess I will rewrite it.

I will definitely check out that book. I am not a big fan of mainstream psychiatry and psychology, but that book seems like it might be worth reading.

(01-19-2020 08:54 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  ...I'll probably write to her tomorrow. Staying calm when she doesn't respond is going to be hard...

This proved to be true. I ended up emailing her 3 or 4 times and each time I got an error message saying "message not delivered." I was convinced that she deleted her email account and that I wouldn't be able to contact her anymore, so I sent another email saying I was worried about her and that if I was unable to reach her within the next week or two, I would have to contact her friends or family. This email immediately went through and she got annoyed at me and told me to stop.

It turns out the reason none of the first 3 emails got delivered is because they contained Grabify links that Gmail considered to be suspicious (even though I use Grabify all the time and I've never had this problem before).

Maybe I shouldn't be contacting her at all. She obviously is going to notice that something is still wrong with me.
(This post was last modified: 01-20-2020 05:14 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-20-2020 05:11 PM
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Post: #89
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-20-2020 05:11 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Thanks Aurini.

I was going to send her a letter where I mentioned church. I guess I will rewrite it.

I will definitely check out that book. I am not a big fan of mainstream psychiatry and psychology, but that book seems like it might be worth reading.

(01-19-2020 08:54 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  ...I'll probably write to her tomorrow. Staying calm when she doesn't respond is going to be hard...

This proved to be true. I ended up emailing her 3 or 4 times and each time I got an error message saying "message not delivered." I was convinced that she deleted her email account and that I wouldn't be able to contact her anymore, so I sent another email saying I was worried about her and that if I was unable to reach her within the next week or two, I would have to contact her friends or family. This email immediately went through and she got annoyed at me and told me to stop.

It turns out the reason none of the first 3 emails got delivered is because they contained Grabify links that Gmail considered to be suspicious (even though I use Grabify all the time and I've never had this problem before).

Maybe I shouldn't be contacting her at all. She obviously is going to notice that something is still wrong with me.

I mean, you probably shouldn't. I'd give you about a 5% chance of ever getting back with her based on what you've written, and even if you did you probably wouldn't be very happy and it probably wouldn't work out. In spite of her good qualities, she's a godless woman and it's very unlikely to make a marriage work with such women even when you don't already have tons of baggage with them.

I know that is hard to take because I've been there myself, but that's how I see it.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-20-2020 08:29 PM
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Post: #90
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-20-2020 08:29 PM)bucky Wrote:  ...she's a godless woman...

(01-11-2020 11:13 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  ...She believes in God...She just doesn't know it.
01-20-2020 09:40 PM
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Post: #91
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-10-2020 07:09 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Ok, so I know I am probably going to get shit on pretty hard for this since I've had some questionable posts on this forum in the past, but I need some advice and I figured this is a good place to get honest, no-bullshit advice.

This was one of my last posts on this forum before I stopped coming here, and Roosh's (edited) response to my post:

(12-30-2018 11:48 PM)Roosh Wrote:  
Quote:I'm actually quite young. 27. I have known my wife since I was 16 and she was 17. Granted, she is not American, and I met her overseas in my mom's country.

Yes, I realize I got very lucky.

Do you have fear that she will one day cuck you? Are you having doubts about her current behavior? Is she Ukrainian/Russian?

It doesn't make sense that...[you are] the one with the ideal virgin bride.
...
Your aggression/angst is coming from somewhere.
...
Something doesn't add up.

Roosh was absolutely right. Something didn't add up. About a month after I stopped posting here, my wife left. I have no problem going into details if asked. I am not going into details right now because I want to keep this post relatively short. What I will say is that there were drugs and violence involved. Her parents, who I used to get along with, don't speak to me anymore and have advised her to stay away from me. She is very close with them and takes her father's advice very seriously.

Like I said, I will go into details if anyone asks.

After that, we stayed in contact and even went out a few times last summer, but I ended up doing some things that drove her away again (not drug- or violence-related). We currently communicate only online and we haven't had contact in about 3 weeks.

I posted my story, with all the details, on a forum called Talk About Marriage (or something like that) and the responses I received were overwhelmingly negative. I was told basically that I was abusive and that my wife should stay away from me, and that I need to accept this and move on and meet someone else.

"Accept it and move on" is also the advice I am getting from everyone besides my closest friends. However, I know her very well and I do not believe she would stay in contact with me -- over her father's objections -- if she was really done with me and trying to meet other men. I believe she would divorce me first, which she has not done.

I also find it very hard to "accept it and move on." I can't accept getting cucked. I can't accept losing the person closest to me and knowing that she will eventually start a family with another man. The fact that it is my fault only makes it worse. It is as if I was drunk-driving and I got into an accident and my whole family died. I would have to be a sociopath to just get over it and move on like nothing happened.

Anyway, I feel like most of the people who have told me to "accept it, move on, meet someone else" are coming from a blue-pill modern perspective where they don't see the breakup of a marriage as a big deal. I am told that I am just "heartbroken" and that once I meet someone else I will not care about my wife anymore. This sounds like BS to me. But I could be wrong. Maybe they are right. That is why I wanted to post on here to see what you guys think.

Someone else also told me that I should forget about her because she "isn't loyal" (because if she was loyal she would never leave me no matter what). But this doesn't feel right either. I did everything I could to drive her away, and as far as I know she is still waiting for me (as in she hasn't dated other men or divorced me). Until she does one of these things, it is hard to consider her disloyal.

Like I said, I didn't post details because this post is already long enough as is, but I will be willing to post details in this thread or through PM if anyone asks.

Thank you.

OP; the commendable and brave thing to do is to take ownership of your actions. That's the first step. However, it's just as easy to fall into the trap of wallowing in self-blame. I've been almost in the same shoes as you have and can confirm that there is as much courage involved in concurrently taking inventory of your culpabilities in this case and then moving on from there.
01-23-2020 07:29 AM
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Post: #92
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
So I've come to believe that any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong. This includes pornography, masturbation, prostitution, casual sex, and even dating (if marriage and procreation is not your goal). In fact, I believe (and it's fine if some people don't agree with me) that sexual activity is wrong even within a marriage if contraception is used.

Ideally, I would remain celibate until I am back with my wife and she is ready to conceive (or, God forbid, until she divorces me and I marry another woman). However, this may take years, and it can be hard not to think about girls. For example, I had a job interview today and the manager who interviewed me was a girl my age and she was very friendly, and I found myself wanting to ask her out even though I have no intention of marrying or having kids with her.

I know that if I were to hook up with anyone, I would not feel good about myself. I would rather be voluntarily celibate than feel like I "downgraded" from having a beautiful wife to hooking up with random girls.

Is there anyone else who is single and trying to live righteously and avoid the modern lifestyle? Is it hard to do in this day and age?
(This post was last modified: 01-23-2020 09:23 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-23-2020 09:12 PM
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Post: #93
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-16-2020 10:56 AM)WombRaider Wrote:  
(01-16-2020 10:49 AM)bucky Wrote:  She's probably still hot, hence OP still has deep romantic feelings for her AND she's getting lots of offers from other guys.

And if she's still in the U.S., she'd still be getting plenty of offers even at 200+ pounds!

Because US women are trash
01-24-2020 01:20 PM
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Post: #94
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-23-2020 09:12 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  So I've come to believe that any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong. This includes pornography, masturbation, prostitution, casual sex, and even dating (if marriage and procreation is not your goal). In fact, I believe (and it's fine if some people don't agree with me) that sexual activity is wrong even within a marriage if contraception is used.

Ideally, I would remain celibate until I am back with my wife and she is ready to conceive (or, God forbid, until she divorces me and I marry another woman). However, this may take years, and it can be hard not to think about girls. For example, I had a job interview today and the manager who interviewed me was a girl my age and she was very friendly, and I found myself wanting to ask her out even though I have no intention of marrying or having kids with her.

I know that if I were to hook up with anyone, I would not feel good about myself. I would rather be voluntarily celibate than feel like I "downgraded" from having a beautiful wife to hooking up with random girls.

Is there anyone else who is single and trying to live righteously and avoid the modern lifestyle? Is it hard to do in this day and age?


It seems you have taken the first step in regards to cutting out temptations/vices such as Pornography, Masturbating, etc. Stopping these things is a crucial step in "cleaning out" your mind.

Your next step is now to increase your virtue, mainly the 4 cardinal virtues which are Prudence, Courage, Temperance and Justice. You must now practice custody of sight and custody of the mind. If you must look at a woman, do not think of her in a lustful manner, rather, focus on the topic at hand. In your interview situation for example, concentrate solely on the interview and the women as a manager, nothing more. Also, when you see a woman in yoga pants or other revealing clothing, try to train your eyes to not look at her figure. Yes, I know it sounds hard, but practice. Even if you're not perfect at it at first, you will start to train yourself to not view women in sexual manner. With time, you will shift your focus on a woman's virtue and character instead, and see her wearing tight clothing as a negative, where you naturally will not look at her anymore.

This takes time and patience... But with time, you will improve. I highly recommend you listen to these YT videos on the topic. Subscribe to this channel too. All uploads contain homilies by Traditional FSSP priest. Look up Fr Ripperger videos on this topic of virtue, he has a plethora of them on how you can improve your virtue, submitting your will to God, and will do a much better job at explaining this than I can.









This is the first part in the four cardinal virtues. To find the rest, search "Four cardinal virtues Fr Ripperger"



01-24-2020 11:16 PM
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Post: #95
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Follow up to my last post. This is a playlist on Masculinity that I think will be of benefit as well





Click below link and playlist will pop up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7V1W967...qsyhR9tHmd
(This post was last modified: 01-24-2020 11:22 PM by Augustus_Principe.)
01-24-2020 11:21 PM
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Post: #96
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Thanks a lot Augustus. I've been listening to the Fr. Ripperger videos. They're very helpful. I would highly recommend to anyone looking to learn about real (i.e. non-liberal) Catholic teaching, and even to non-Catholics looking to become more virtuous.

In the meantime, I've written to my wife a few times and gotten short responses (no more than 2 or 3 words). But I guess that's something. As friends of mine have pointed out, if she really wanted to cut me off for good, that would not be hard to do.
01-26-2020 07:36 PM
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Post: #97
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
I have noticed that people in other threads talking about, for example, how bad it is for a woman to be 30 or older and not have children.

In one of the Fr. Ripperger videos that Augustus recommended to me, he talks about how the definition of a spinster used to be "a woman 22 or older who is unmarried." This means that for most of human history, 22 was considered old for a woman to have her first child.

My wife will be 30 in October. Knowing the way she is, if I ever get back together with her it probably won't be for several years (meaning she will be 31 or 32). Additionally, she has a medical condition which makes it more difficult and riskier (maybe impossible) for her to carry a pregnancy to term after 35 (and possibly before 35).

I am aware that I have bigger things to worry about right now and that the issue of my wife's age is not something I have any control over. However, I can't help but wonder if it is unrealistic to think I will eventually have a family with her (because of her age and because of how much time I wasted).
(This post was last modified: 01-26-2020 11:30 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-26-2020 11:23 PM
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Post: #98
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-26-2020 11:23 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  I have noticed that people in other threads talking about, for example, how bad it is for a woman to be 30 or older and not have children.

In one of the Fr. Ripperger videos that Augustus recommended to me, he talks about how the definition of a spinster used to be "a woman 22 or older who is unmarried." This means that for most of human history, 22 was considered old for a woman to have her first child.

My wife will be 30 in October. Knowing the way she is, if I ever get back together with her it probably won't be for several years (meaning she will be 31 or 32). Additionally, she has a medical condition which makes it more difficult and riskier (maybe impossible) for her to carry a pregnancy to term after 35 (and possibly before 35).

I am aware that I have bigger things to worry about right now and that the issue of my wife's age is not something I have any control over. However, I can't help but wonder if it is unrealistic to think I will eventually have a family with her (because of her age and because of how much time I wasted).

It's a legitimate concern. For one thing, a woman who has her first child young will bounce back physically from pregnancy vastly better. My wife had our first in her early 30s and without going into too much detail I'll just say there was a lot of damage to her figure. It is what it is. Fortunately I find that as mother of my children my feelings for her are stronger now than when we'd just met and she had a much better body.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-26-2020 11:49 PM
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Post: #99
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Concentrate on your obligation to follow through and honor your vows. Put the rest in God's hands. You're only looking at odds, not certainty of outcome. Do not be tempted to put aside what is right because as a gambler you don't like how the numbers look.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 01-27-2020 12:00 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
01-27-2020 12:00 AM
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Post: #100
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
How your wife bounces back in terms of body post pregnancy isn't just age dependent but body dependent. I've been with my fiancee almost 9 years. She had our child at 25 and has 0 baby damage whatsoever.

She has always been slim and fit due to being a choreographer / dance teacher. I suspect baby damage is more prevalent in woman with larger bodies or less fit bodies.

I don't really understand the whole have to marry and have children with a virgin appeal or the 200 cock girls. Theres a lot of room inbetween these two extremes which is just fine.

From reading this you need to focus on you. Without a question that should be the primary concern. Your wife has limited baby making years left. A woman shouldn't be giving birth in her late 30s unless you want to take on a lot of risks. Unfortunately you seem to have issues that are not correctable in a week or a month.

If you are ever going to get her back on proper terms you need to fix your

a) Drive - Desiring to be a bullshit uber driver in South America? Get a real job that doesn't pay $3 an hour. Thats honestly a comically bad idea. Uber is cool if you are 20 and in college trying to make a few bucks. You aren't.

b) Drug use - Get clean and drop everything. All drugs / alcohol permanently.

c) Mental Health - Violence has a place but an extremely rare place and for protection only. There is 0 reason to be self destructive / violent. Violence, frustration or anger relating to woman has 0 place.

d) Your wife may very well have relations or intimacy even if not sexual with other men while you rebuild. Personally from what I've read you unfortunately don't really to have much right to be upset with her if she did.

e) Forget about the whole marry another virgin idea. Being a virgin past a reasonable age for you to consider just tells me the following: Super low sex drive (not desirable), poor social skills and / or very unattractive. My wife wasn't a virgin when I met her when she was 18. almost 9 years later I still get laid whenever I want which is usually about 5-10 times a week. If I married some girl with a super low sex drive I'd probably be one of the many guys I know who are married and have to schedule sex. One of my buddies in 10 years of marriage with his virgin wife had sex less than 100 times. Needless to say they are now divorced.

f) If you can't fix this relationship there will be another one and perhaps you will be more ready to pick an adequate partner and build a good foundation.

You've made a few steps in identifying that you are the problem and going to AA. I hope it works out for you in what will be a long journey.
01-27-2020 03:17 AM
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