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My wife left me and it's my fault
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bucky Offline
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Post: #51
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-11-2020 09:42 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Nevertheless, I would like to save the relationship even if it takes years. I cannot stand the thought of being cucked, and I also cannot stand the thought of spending my entire life with a different woman and having to explain to her that she was my "plan B."

Hey man, I didn't have time to read the whole thread yet, but I empathize with you because I used to feel this way about my ex-wife. Now I'm married to someone else and have kids with her and I realize that this is what God wanted for me. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I'd managed to get back with my ex permanently. I'm just saying that this could happen for you too someday, as hard to believe as it seems at the moment.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-12-2020 11:41 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #52
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 05:46 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  I was trying to go to school for computer science. I think that degree is probably not worthless. The only thing is that if i go back to school this year, I will be 31 by the time I graduate. And my wife is a year older than me. I'm not sure she will wait around for me until she is 32.

As for construction, as far as I know, you can't jut "jump into" construction. It is a union job, and from what I've been told by people who are part of that union, it is near-impossible to get into the union unless you know the right people (which I don't).

Strange that someone I know just got a job with a construction company. Hardly the type that "knows people". My neighbor also started from the bottom and didn't know anyone starting out.

We have a Python thread right here on the forum. Guys with no degrees getting jobs. They did it all on their own.

Rob, maybe you just haven't hit rock bottom yet. Once you do then the excuses stop and you make things work because you have too.

Let us know when you start talking to a priest or when you attend AA meetings or when you start looking for a job. You need to show your wife something if she is going to believe anything you say. It sounds like you're past the point of "sorry, I'll change" being good enough.

Good luck man. I hope that it all works out for you.
(This post was last modified: 01-13-2020 12:39 AM by worldwidetraveler.)
01-13-2020 12:27 AM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #53
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-13-2020 12:27 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  Strange that someone I know just got a job with a construction company. Hardly the type that "knows people". My neighbor also started from the bottom and didn't know anyone starting out.

I meant it is hard to get into construction specifically in my area because you have to get into the union. I could be wrong, but this is just what I heard from people who work in that industry.

(01-13-2020 12:27 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  We have a Python thread right here on the forum. Guys with no degrees getting jobs. They did it all on their own.

I actually started taking a free online course on the website MIT Open Courseware. I should probably try to get back into that. I didn't know it was possible to get programmer jobs without a degree.

(01-13-2020 12:27 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  Rob, maybe you just haven't hit rock bottom yet. Once you do then the excuses stop and you make things work because you have too.

Let us know when you start talking to a priest or when you attend AA meetings or when you start looking for a job. You need to show your wife something if she is going to believe anything you say. It sounds like you're past the point of "sorry, I'll change" being good enough.
...

Yes, I am definitely past the point of "sorry, I'll change" being good enough.

Does anyone have any advice on finding a good church? I would like to start going.

Leonard recommended that I go to a Catholic or Orthodox church. If I go to a Catholic church, how do I avoid the liberal post-Vatican II churches (which I assume are the majority)?

Also, as far as Orthodox churches, I know each country has its own church (Russian Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, etc.). If I go to, say, a Russian Orthodox church in the US, is it going to be full of only Russian immigrants? Would they care that I'm not Russian?

Maybe someone with more experience going to church can share their thoughts.

Thank you.
01-13-2020 08:58 AM
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Aurini Online
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Post: #54
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Did you contact me about this last year?

If so, my advice remains the same. You need to willingly let go of her, and fix your issues, if there's to be any hope of you getting her - or any woman - back into your life. You've turned her life into a roller-coaster; you need to take accountability for that, and seek God's mercy.

Only when you have a grip on yourself will you be in any sort of situation to start dealing with this.

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01-13-2020 11:16 AM
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Post: #55
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-13-2020 11:16 AM)Aurini Wrote:  Did you contact me about this last year?

I tried to respond to this via PM but your inbox is full so I sent you an email from a throwaway account.

By the way, do you have any advice on finding a good church (assuming you don't personally know anyone who is already a member)? I ask because I know you used to be an atheist just like I used to be and then you became Catholic. How did you manage to avoid all the post-Vatican II liberal churches?
(This post was last modified: 01-13-2020 11:59 AM by Rob Banks.)
01-13-2020 11:58 AM
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Aurini Online
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Post: #56
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-13-2020 11:58 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  
(01-13-2020 11:16 AM)Aurini Wrote:  Did you contact me about this last year?

I tried to respond to this via PM but your inbox is full so I sent you an email from a throwaway account.

By the way, do you have any advice on finding a good church (assuming you don't personally know anyone who is already a member)? I ask because I know you used to be an atheist just like I used to be and then you became Catholic. How did you manage to avoid all the post-Vatican II liberal churches?

Fixed that.

Pay attention to any subtle signs that make it stand out - such as recognizing the name of the Saint - but ultimately, just find any church, and get yourself in there. It will start making a big difference in your life. You may or may not find a spiritual director right away - and you'll have endless excuses to avoid going - but once you DO start going, you'll notice the difference.

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01-13-2020 02:21 PM
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Augustus_Principe Offline
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Post: #57
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
This site will help you find Catholic Churches that do the mass in the "Traditional Latin Mass" form. Most likely, these churches will be much more traditional and less liberal

https://www.latinmassdir.org/

The only downside is that the majority of Catholic Churches still do not practice the TLM (though it is increasing) If you insist on attending a more traditional church, you can try and find an SSPX church. From what I know, the catholic church stated that going to an SSPX church does fullfil your sunday obligation.

https://sspx.org/en/community/priories

You may also want to try and find an FSSP church, as they are in good standing with Rome, but as you will see from the map, there aren't too many:

https://fssp.com/locations/

If you are unable to find any of the churches above, then just go to your nearest regular catholic church that has good priest that will help you through what you're going through. At this point, you just need spiritual help asap.
01-14-2020 10:22 AM
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Post: #58
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Thanks Augustus.

I was thinking of going to an Orthodox church just because I didn't know where to find any traditionalist Catholic ones, but I'm not Russian or Greek and I'm Italian on my mother's side so a Catholic church would probably be a better idea.

I found an SSPX church in my area via the link you provided. It's kind of far and I don't have a car, but I can probably get someone in my family to drive me. I will post about it on Sunday.
(This post was last modified: 01-14-2020 11:55 AM by Rob Banks.)
01-14-2020 11:55 AM
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Post: #59
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-14-2020 11:55 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Thanks Augustus.

I was thinking of going to an Orthodox church just because I didn't know where to find any traditionalist Catholic ones, but I'm not Russian or Greek and I'm Italian on my mother's side so a Catholic church would probably be a better idea.

I found an SSPX church in my area via the link you provided. It's kind of far and I don't have a car, but I can probably get someone in my family to drive me. I will post about it on Sunday.

Im glad you're going to visit one. Keep us update, and God bless.
01-14-2020 01:13 PM
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Aurini Online
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Post: #60
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Don't worry about traditionalist; worry about whether or not the priest is the right sort of guy to understand your problems.

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01-14-2020 01:34 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #61
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 10:59 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Marriage is not a matter of convenience where you get to wreck a life and then simply walk away for your next do-over.

If she hasn't "moved on" (no such thing really) and neither has he then there is obviously more at play than the mere post-modern inconvenience of filing for divorce.
...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be saying that not only does it make sense for me not to want to "move on," but it would actually be wrong for me to walk away and forget about her.

That's good to hear, considering most of the "normies" (IRL and on the internet) tend to say the opposite.

"Let her be happy."
"You're just heartbroken. You'll meet someone better than her and you'll forget all about her."
"We've all had break ups but we get over it. The fact that you can't or won't get over it means you're not really in love, you're just obsessed."
Etc. etc.

That's not to say the way I've been going about it has been correct (it hasn't). But at least I don't have to feel like I'm crazy trying to explain to people why I can't just forget about this.

(01-13-2020 11:16 AM)Aurini Wrote:  ...
You need to willingly let go of her, and fix your issues, if there's to be any hope of you getting her - or any woman - back into your life.
...

Other people have also told me this and I suppose you're right.

It's just a lot easier said than done. It just feels like the longer that goes by without being in contact with her, or seeing her in person, the harder it will be to get back in contact.

One of my closest friends once said to me "The longer you guys are apart, she will become more and more sure of herself in her decision to leave you, and she will be more and more likely to date other men."

Maybe, as Leonard said, these worries are just the Devil's way of getting me not to improve myself. But the realities are hard to ignore. If I were to disappear into a hole for, say, 2 years in order to really improve myself, and 2 years from now I were to reemerge and contact my wife, I doubt she would be available. As much as she loves me and is bound to me, if that much time were to go with no contact (or very little contact), she would simply have to move on with her life.
(This post was last modified: 01-14-2020 06:34 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-14-2020 06:32 PM
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Cattle Rustler Offline
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Post: #62
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Abundance mentality. Focus on yourself and move on.

"May get ugly at times. But we get by. Real Niggas never die." - cdr
01-14-2020 09:25 PM
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WombRaider Offline
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Post: #63
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Quote:One of my closest friends once said to me "The longer you guys are apart, she will become more and more sure of herself in her decision to leave you, and she will be more and more likely to date other men."

I feel strongly that she's dating someone else right now. That's how women are.
01-14-2020 10:30 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-14-2020 09:25 PM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  Abundance mentality. Focus on yourself and move on.

Yeah, I'm sure there's an abundance of young virgin girls waiting to marry me and start a family.

Not to mention I agree with Leonard that marriage is not simply a matter of convenience where I can just wreck her life and then walk away like nothing happened.

But even looking at it from a totally selfish point of view, the "abundance" of virgins wanting to marry and start a family simply isn't there.
01-15-2020 12:34 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #65
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Youre still not getting it. Until you fix you all youre going to do is continue to bring ruin to your wife's life and then eventually probably another girl.

Youre selectively grasping at the points that confirm what you want (like Leonards reference to the sanctity of marriage) in order to rationalize continuing to pursue your wife.

The answers arent here. They ARE in the mirror.

Do you really care about your wife and want whats best for her? Or do you really care more about yourself and your fear of not being able to replace her?

If its the former: prove it. Prove it to yourself. Find an AA meeting near you tonight and go.

If you cant do that then stop wasting her time and ours with your attention seeking platitudes

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(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 01:45 PM by PapayaTapper.)
01-15-2020 01:44 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 01:44 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Youre still not getting it. Until you fix you all youre going to do is continue to bring ruin to your wife's life and then eventually probably another girl.

Youre selectively grasping at the points that confirm what you want (like Leonards reference to the sanctity of marriage) in order to rationalize continuing to pursue your wife.

I get what you're saying, but I was only responding to Cattle Rustler who said I should have an "abundance mentality."

I agree with everyone who said I need to fix me before trying to contact or get close to my wife. I worry about how long it will take and that she may decide to move on, but that doesn't mean I won't do it.

(01-15-2020 01:44 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Do you really care about your wife and want whats best for her? Or do you really care more about yourself and your fear of not being able to replace her?

To be honest, both. I know this is probably bad, but it's the truth.

Just to be clear, even if there were a million young virgins willing to marry me, I would still feel the same way. She would still be just as irreplaceable.

(01-15-2020 01:44 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  If its the former: prove it. Prove it to yourself. Find an AA meeting near you tonight and go.
...

Ok, I will. I won't post here again until after I've gone.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 02:21 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-15-2020 02:17 PM
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bucky Offline
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Post: #67
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 12:34 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  
(01-14-2020 09:25 PM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  Abundance mentality. Focus on yourself and move on.

Yeah, I'm sure there's an abundance of young virgin girls waiting to marry me and start a family.

Not to mention I agree with Leonard that marriage is not simply a matter of convenience where I can just wreck her life and then walk away like nothing happened.

But even looking at it from a totally selfish point of view, the "abundance" of virgins wanting to marry and start a family simply isn't there.

My ex-wife was a virgin when I met her. So was my current wife. I'm not saying this is likely to happen for you, I'm just saying that you have no idea what God has in store for you. I get how difficult it is to give up on wanting to be back with your ex and to stop pedastalizing her as "the one" because I was there too, once. Regardless, it would be best for you to move toward getting out of that mindset as much as possible.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
01-15-2020 10:07 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #68
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Just got back from my first AA meeting a few hours ago.

The topic of discussion was alcoholism as it relates to marriage, and virtually every man there had a story about how they fucked up their marriage due to alcohol or drugs.

(01-15-2020 10:07 PM)bucky Wrote:  My ex-wife was a virgin when I met her. So was my current wife. I'm not saying this is likely to happen for you, I'm just saying that you have no idea what God has in store for you. I get how difficult it is to give up on wanting to be back with your ex and to stop pedastalizing her as "the one" because I was there too, once. Regardless, it would be best for you to move toward getting out of that mindset as much as possible.

Like I said in my last post, even if there were a million virgins lined up ready to marry me, I would not feel any different. At least I'd like to think I wouldn't.

It's kind of like if I accidentally killed my own child while drunk. Even if I were able to have another child, that would not make it any easier to forgive myself or get over the first child's death. In this case, would you say I'm "pedastalizing" my child?

Men are called to look after their wives just as they're called to look after their children. My failure to do so is not something I can just forget about.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 10:29 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-15-2020 10:25 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #69
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
You shouldn't listen to guys telling you to cut rope and sail away. They don't really know what they're talking about on a spiritual or tribal level. I don't blame them (deep breath). They are products of a society where everything and everyone is disposable.

You need to fix you, but you also have to accept that the question of your wife remaining faithful during this time is not in your control. Considering everything that's happened, would it be unreasonable punishment that she slept with other men while you reformed yourself?

Do you deserve better? I don't wish it on you, but why do you think you're entitled to anything better?

You have little choice but to put your faith in God and demonstrate to Him that you will earn your redemption, and if He so chooses He will keep your wife's home fire burning for you.

But you must accept that your choices until this point have removed your ability to demand the terms of your redemption.

Understand?

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 11:26 PM by Leonard D Neubache.)
01-15-2020 11:24 PM
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WombRaider Offline
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Post: #70
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
As I said in an earlier post, I feel there's a 1 billion percent chance his wife is sleeping with someone else even as we type. If he ever gets her back, it will be after she has tried out numerous other men and found that OP was was the most tolerable, after all. To be graphic: Her vagina will have been splashed with A LOT of strange semen. I hope my crude phrasing is a wake-up call. It might be all his fault, but regardless, he needs to accept that it's over. She is not going to be able to respect him as a husband ever again.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 11:39 PM by WombRaider.)
01-15-2020 11:34 PM
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WombRaider Offline
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Post: #71
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 11:24 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Considering everything that's happened, would it be unreasonable punishment that she slept with other men while you reformed yourself?

This amounts to trying to add up what's fair and what's unfair in a relationship, almost the way a blue-pill person would do. No matter who's fault it is, her sleeping with other men obliterates any chance of things working out. At least, it would for me.
01-15-2020 11:38 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #72
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
WR, your posting history indicates that your experience with women begins and ends with a very dysfunctional relationship with your mother.

You are deliberately using vulgar language to stoke OP's fears.

Your presence in this thread is poisonous because your attitude toward women is poisonous. Please go away.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 11:50 PM by Leonard D Neubache.)
01-15-2020 11:49 PM
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Post: #73
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Personally, if a chick leaves me (wife or not), it's a blessing. It's sad don't get me wrong, but if the other person is unhappy and unwilling to make it work, fine to set them free. I have no guilt from someone else being unhappy with my goods and services, I'll find someone who I can please/make happy, or I'll adjust my goods and services accordingly. I'd feel more like the OP if I left a chick without just cause, breaking her heart. No good marriage has ever ended with divorce.

But seeing the litany of issues in this guys life, he just needs to get his shit together.
Trying to go back to the failed marriage is not a good idea though, how often in history has that worked? She already has this vision of you as an addict and a loser which will never completely wipe off.

We can try to see the bright side and say that the wife had some kind of implication here, but who cares about fault? There are millions of single women on the planet, most of them Asian incidentally, but I think try again with someone who doesn't think you're a deadbeat. Washing off the deadbeat image trying to prove a complete 180 transformation is harder than meeting someone else.

And the cheating that happened, that's pretty much a sign it was meant to end. A lot of guys advocate for cheating, I have never cared for it. If you love someone you don't cheat on them.
(This post was last modified: 01-15-2020 11:56 PM by FullThrottleTX.)
01-15-2020 11:50 PM
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Post: #74
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Banks, by now you have enough information to get started and you have an idea of which members you can PM for spiritually sound advice.

There is nothing more to be gained by gathering an increasing chorus of children suggesting you take the easiest way out.

I suggest you ask Roosh to close this thread because from this point on it will become counter-productive to your path to redemption.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
01-15-2020 11:55 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #75
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-15-2020 11:24 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  You shouldn't listen to guys telling you to cut rope and sail away. They don't really know what they're talking about on a spiritual or tribal level. I don't blame them (deep breath). They are products of a society where everything and everyone is disposable.

You are the beacon of spiritual enlightenment now?

For years you were all over this forum talking about the degenerates and if people didn't agree with you they were also degenerates. Now they are faithless. Same story, just different name calling.

The easiest way out would be for him to take your advice and start contacting her or following her to another country. The guy hasn't fixed his problems and will repeat what caused him to lose his wife over and over again until he fixes the issue. That takes time and he is already under pressure of fear that the longer it takes the bigger the chance he will lose her. She deserves to be treated better than he has. In more spiritual terms, God doesn't want us to call others names, to judge others or to threaten each other. Spirituality 101.

Most of the advice was spot on and he needs to worry less about losing her and more about fixing his issues. God doesn't want one to abuse another.

Rob isn't a bad guy. He just has problems like the rest of us that need to be fixed. His wife isn't a bad person because she tried and was getting nowhere. The guys, in this thread, aren't bad guys because they are telling him to forget her and fix himself so he will be able to be happy later on.

I don't appreciate you telling me what my faith is. You don't know anything about any of our relationships with God.
(This post was last modified: 01-16-2020 08:29 AM by worldwidetraveler.)
01-16-2020 08:08 AM
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bucky, renotime, Rob Banks, doc holliday, RDF, tylerdurden1993, bacani
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