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My wife left me and it's my fault
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mr_ks Offline
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Post: #26
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
OP, this incidence of you hooking up with someone else in 2016
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-58979.html

Have you been regularly cheating on your wife? Might make a difference to some of the answers you get here.
01-11-2020 03:59 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #27
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Yes, that happened. I didn't consider it cheating at the time because my wife was living in South America and I was in the US and we had an agreement that I could hook up with other girls if I wanted (she couldn't hook up with guys).

I fully regret it. Looking back, that incident (me hooking up with that girl and my wife knowing about it) was when things started going south in the relationship.

Back then, I felt like I had something to prove. I felt like I had to hook up with other girls to prove to myself that I was a man. Having my wife was not enough. I did not feel adequate as a man because I had only slept with a handful of girls, and almost all of those hookups were when I was a teenager.

Like I said, looking back, it was retarded. I actually caught feelings for that girl in the thread you linked to and I was an asshole to my wife about it. Like I said, that is when things started to go south between us, and I fully regret it.
(This post was last modified: 01-11-2020 04:30 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-11-2020 04:28 PM
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Post: #28
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Rob, Papaya Tapper is right. You need to work on yourself and your mindset specifically. YouTube is your best therapist. Search for Evan Carmichael and subscribe to his channels profiling highly successful people, listen to these videos daily to help you improve your mindset and your life by taking what Tony Robbins calls massive action. You’ve got to be happy with yourself and your own life first. Trust in God but also take the steps you need to take to become great - remember we are not born great, it’s something we must become Smile

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxa9Fkq...nNVrMNY99Q
01-11-2020 06:40 PM
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Dr. Howard Offline
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Post: #29
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Op, I agree with Leonard and others that you need to work on yourself first, and by work on yourself first i mean submit yourself and your problems to Jesus Christ. You need to be spiritually repaired to be a leader for your wife, if that ever does get resolved...it may not is she is an atheist or it might if she sees God's work in your own life.

I have a buddy who has a similar issue, anger related but not drugs related. He is a very polite guy but just snaps over minor things. He wants nothing more than to just live a normal life with a wife and kids but losing his shit chases them all away. He turns to God when he's single, but abandons the church when he's got a girlfriend or fiancee.

You need to be right with God before chasing other things.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
01-11-2020 06:50 PM
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KYT88 Offline
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Post: #30
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
How did you afford the drugs?
01-11-2020 06:55 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #31
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
At one point I was a poker player. I made some money playing poker when I was living overseas (and not using drugs because my drug of choice was not available there). I came back to the US and continued to play poker and make money. I also made some money investing in Bitcoin and I was staying with my dad so I wasn't paying rent.

Before that, I afforded drugs by just saving whatever money my parents gave me, or whenever I had a job I would just use the money for drugs.
01-11-2020 08:22 PM
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Post: #32
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Update:

Earlier I mentioned that my wife used to have me pick up her meds for her at the pharmacy but that she changed pharmacies after the last time I acted out. It turns out that the reason her prescriptions are not at her pharmacy anymore is not because she switched pharmacies, but because she moved back home to South America. I don't have proof, but I have strong evidence to suggest she is in South America and no longer in the US. I could find out for sure very quickly by sending her a Grabify link, but I don't want to contact her just yet.

If she is in South America, I think she has to return to the US within 6 months if she wants to keep her green card, but I am not sure.

Now I am not sure if I should move back there. I know a lot of guys will probably tell me to never move to a different county in order to chase a girl, but if I want her back and she decides to live there permanently (which is highly likely as she has no friends or family in the US), then I will have to move there anyway. So why not get a head start and move there now? If I start building myself up and get a job in the US now and then 6 months from now I find out she moved to South America permanently, then I will have to uproot my whole life and start from scratch down there.
01-11-2020 08:49 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #33
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-11-2020 03:38 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  [Image: maxresdefault.jpg]


When it comes to life the "they" that show up are in direct correlation to what you build.

Laugh3

He's already built it and they already came. Now he needs to build something else and he has to deal with the previous tenants who aren't the "politely accept their eviction notices" type.

Comparisons to the forum are not without merit.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
01-12-2020 12:18 AM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #34
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate it.

So basically I bugged out right before christmas and sent her some crazy threats (not threatening her physically, but still very bad).

We have not spoken since then, and I just found out she (at least temporarily) went back to South America, but probably has to return to the US at some point this year if she wants to keep her green card.

How long should I wait before I contact her again? Or should it not even be a pre-determined amount of time? I know people have told me not to seek her out until I am right with God, but that is not going to happen overnight and I am worried that going for months without contact might be bad.

Again, thanks for the responses. I expected to get shit on and instead I've gotten nothing but helpful responses.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 01:40 AM by Rob Banks.)
01-12-2020 01:39 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #35
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Contact if at all may be best served by text. Write something but don't send it immediately. Read it the next day and if it doesn't sound insane in retrospect then you should be safe to send it.

You can also record messages and likewise screen them after time for reflection before actually sending them.

Instant communication seems to be feeding the beast currently.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
01-12-2020 01:49 AM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #36
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
Ok, for sure. Thanks.

(01-12-2020 01:49 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Contact if at all may be best served by text.
...

Actually all our communication in the last 5 months has been online. I don't even have her phone number since she moved back to the US last summer and got herself a US phone number.

I don't know if this changes any of your previous advice.
01-12-2020 02:20 AM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #37
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-11-2020 03:32 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  The main problem we had was my instability.

(01-11-2020 08:49 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Now I am not sure if I should move back there. I know a lot of guys will probably tell me to never move to a different county in order to chase a girl, but if I want her back and she decides to live there permanently (which is highly likely as she has no friends or family in the US), then I will have to move there anyway. So why not get a head start and move there now? If I start building myself up and get a job in the US now and then 6 months from now I find out she moved to South America permanently, then I will have to uproot my whole life and start from scratch down there.

How do you plan on providing stability by moving to a foreign country? Why haven't you been able to provide stability in the USA? I can't imagine a better place to be earning money.
01-12-2020 07:30 AM
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No More Mr. Soy Boy Offline
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Post: #38
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
What a nightmare. You have my compassion, it sounds like the worst position one could be in.

Here I've been trying my best my whole life to find a virgin but haven't even been close to dating one. Meanwhile you had the chance but kind of threw it away with drugs and stuff and now you're stuck in the same boat as me.
And what awaits you now is probably years of endless of disappointing dates where you'll be listening to girls who have +200 cocks but have now decided it's about time to settle down (yes, has happened to me on a number of occasions) and soon you'll think it's a good sign if the girl you're dating "only" had one threesome and a tramp stamp on her back.
God, I think this endless struggle would probably feel worse if I had actually met one, been close to the tradlife and then screwed it up, as compared to never being close and having much hope for it at all.

But I suggest you don't move there, it sounds crazy. It's been talked about a lot on the forum and all kinds places in the red pill sphere that you shouldn't move somewhere for a woman or make her your primary objective in life. If you go back in time when things were good with her and saw another guy posting here that he was about to move to another country in the hopes of getting back an ex, you would probably told him he was a complete idiot, judging by your previous posts.

A trip there to see her could be an idea though meanwhile you do some other stuff over there. It could worth a try since it's not like there's an abundance of good women out there. If not, it could probably be easier to move on after that. But it seems like your focus is 98% on her and 2% other stuff in life, when it should be the other way round.

Another thought I had is how this must have decreased her value in the eyes of other men. If I met a woman and heard she was divorced to a guy who was doing drugs and violent tendencies (="bad boy"), it certainly wouldn't look good on her.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 09:10 AM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
01-12-2020 09:00 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #39
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 02:20 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Ok, for sure. Thanks.

(01-12-2020 01:49 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Contact if at all may be best served by text.
...

Actually all our communication in the last 5 months has been online. I don't even have her phone number since she moved back to the US last summer and got herself a US phone number.

I don't know if this changes any of your previous advice.

Not really. The important thing is that you need to find a way to short circuit your brain>keyboard>send process, even if you have to do something odd like type all your messages in windows wordpad so you don't feel compelled to hit send immediately after thrashing out some sort of misguided rant because you interpreted her last email in the worst way possible.

You need to be able to write your messages to her and then leave them alone for 12 hours or so before you post them so you have a better chance to realize how crazy they might sound after you've calmed yourself a bit.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
01-12-2020 09:11 AM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #40
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 07:30 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  How do you plan on providing stability by moving to a foreign country? Why haven't you been able to provide stability in the USA? I can't imagine a better place to be earning money.

Well actually my chances of providing financial stability are about the same in the US as overseas. I didn't finish school, so in the US my chances of getting a good job right now are slim to none. The only jobs I can get right now are menial restaurant and warehouse jobs and stuff like that. Also, I owe tons of money to the school I dropped out of and they're refusing to release my transcripts, so going back to school might be tough unless my family agrees to help me pay my debt.

In South America, at least I own a car which I can use to drive Uber, which isn't tremendously great but it would pay the bills. Also, going to school is actually free in the city I would be living in. People from all over South America go there to get free school.

The only issue is that I believe my wife has to move back to the US within 6 months if she wants to keep her green card (although I'm not totally sure). So maybe I should wait 6 months and then move there if she's not back?

(01-12-2020 09:00 AM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  But I suggest you don't move there, it sounds crazy. It's been talked about a lot on the forum and all kinds places in the red pill sphere that you shouldn't move somewhere for a woman or make her your primary objective in life. If you go back in time when things were good with her and saw another guy posting here that he was about to move to another country in the hopes of getting back an ex, you would probably told him he was a complete idiot, judging by your previous posts.

Yes, moving overseas for a girl does come off as needy or weak or whatever, but if she decides to stay there, what are my alternatives? Stay in the US and date sluts before eventually settling down with a woman who's "only" been with 10 guys? I'd rather put a gun in my mouth.

(01-12-2020 09:00 AM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  But it seems like your focus is 98% on her and 2% other stuff in life, when it should be the other way round.

So I've been told. This is probably why I keep screwing it up.

(01-12-2020 09:00 AM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  Another thought I had is how this must have decreased her value in the eyes of other men. If I met a woman and heard she was divorced to a guy who was doing drugs and violent tendencies (="bad boy"), it certainly wouldn't look good on her.

Not really. Most guys wouldn't care. She was married for 10 years and it didn't work out. That is not a deal breaker for 99.9% of Western men.

If she is going to wait for me, it is going to have to be her who closes herself off to other men. She will get hit on and asked out, and she will have to say no. Up until now, she has always done that. But the longer I go without communicating with her, the older she gets (she is 29), and the more she feels like her parents want her to settle down with someone else, I am worried she might just do it.

If she even so much agrees to a date with another man, then I've already lost. I know her very well and she would not be agreeing to dates if she still considered herself to be my wife in any meaningful way.
01-12-2020 12:42 PM
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mr_ks Offline
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Post: #41
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
You have a scarcity mindset. Why should anyone here help you? You might end up making this place look bad.

Simple question: Are you adding value to her life? Why should she leave her family, culture and friends behind to be with you in a foreign country? You dont even have your shit together and she is getting older and may want more stability now.

You've told us that she's had emotional and physical issues from an earlier ilness that she has taken medicine for. You have also told us you have been violent towards her.

I'm not sure you 'deserve' to be with a girl and I doubt it is in the interest of this place to help you.
01-12-2020 01:15 PM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Online
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Post: #42
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
I think at this point you need to sort out your own life before being with any woman, whether it's your wife or someone else. And after digging a hole so deep, at some point you have to focus on getting yourself out of it and hope that she will still be there when you're out. If she's not, it will be sad but it will still be a better situation than you have now.

Obsessively calling her and mixing threats and angst with promises that things will be different this time won't stop her from leaving you for another man.

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01-12-2020 01:25 PM
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Post: #43
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 01:15 PM)mr_ks Wrote:  You have a scarcity mindset. Why should anyone here help you? You might end up making this place look bad.

Simple question: Are you adding value to her life? Why should she leave her family, culture and friends behind to be with you in a foreign country? You dont even have your shit together and she is getting older and may want more stability now.

You've told us that she's had emotional and physical issues from an earlier ilness that she has taken medicine for. You have also told us you have been violent towards her.

I'm not sure you 'deserve' to be with a girl and I doubt it is in the interest of this place to help you.

Just to be clear, I have been violent towards her but never hit her or injured her in any way.

And no, I don't deserve her. At least not at this point. That's why the title of my post is "My wife left me and it's my fault."

And if I was really making this forum look so bad, I'm sure I would have heard about it from Roosh or one of the senior members.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 01:41 PM by Rob Banks.)
01-12-2020 01:37 PM
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mr_ks Offline
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Post: #44
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
This is the problem. You are 27 and she is 29. You seem to be enjoying your life with drugs, poker and low-stress jobs. I am not too different. But you are a man and also younger than her. She needs a more mature person at this point in her life at 29. She left you for a reason and it looks like she doesnt want this aimless life anymore. But you've had some fun so far, so you shouldnt feel too bad. But you cant offer her a family anytime soon so it just looks like a disaster for her to give you another chance. Where would she be in another 10 years? But you sound like a funny guy who can probably get another, younger girl who may be into the pointless drama.

You dont want to be the guy who screwed her life up. You must give her a chance to find someone else and settle down. If it doest happen in a few years you can try again. In the meantime you have to move on because you have a lot of work to do.
01-12-2020 01:48 PM
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Post: #45
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 01:37 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Just to be clear, I have been violent towards her but never hit her or injured her in any way.

And no, I don't deserve her. At least not at this point. That's why the title of my post is "My wife left me and it's my fault."

And if I was really making this forum look so bad, I'm sure I would have heard about it from Roosh or one of the senior members.

Sorry for going off topic but I really liked your previous posts on the forum and you seem like a great guy after all, Banks.

Fair play to you actually. Most people I know rarely take any self ownership and be honest with themselves if they fucked up and blame other people but you've actually done it here.

Hope it goes well whatever direction you decide to take.
01-12-2020 01:51 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #46
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 12:42 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Well actually my chances of providing financial stability are about the same in the US as overseas. I didn't finish school, so in the US my chances of getting a good job right now are slim to none. The only jobs I can get right now are menial restaurant and warehouse jobs and stuff like that. Also, I owe tons of money to the school I dropped out of and they're refusing to release my transcripts, so going back to school might be tough unless my family agrees to help me pay my debt.

In South America, at least I own a car which I can use to drive Uber, which isn't tremendously great but it would pay the bills. Also, going to school is actually free in the city I would be living in. People from all over South America go there to get free school.

The only issue is that I believe my wife has to move back to the US within 6 months if she wants to keep her green card (although I'm not totally sure). So maybe I should wait 6 months and then move there if she's not back?

School isn't worth it for most degrees. Just too damn expensive. If I was your age and in your situation I would be learning a trade.

I'd jump into construction. That way you could start rehabbing houses down the road and sell or rent out for cashflow. You would be way better off than most college graduates. My neighbor has been stacking some great money working for a company and has 3 rentals. Not much older than you. No college degrees.
01-12-2020 02:04 PM
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Post: #47
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 12:18 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  
(01-11-2020 03:38 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  [Image: maxresdefault.jpg]


When it comes to life the "they" that show up are in direct correlation to what you build.

Laugh3

He's already built it and they already came. Now he needs to build something else and he has to deal with the previous tenants who aren't the "politely accept their eviction notices" type.

Comparisons to the forum are not without merit.

Thats true. Like most man made things, no matter how great, they eventually, inexorably run down. The good news is that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Comaprisons to the OP and his situation are not without merit Wink

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(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 02:33 PM by PapayaTapper.)
01-12-2020 02:32 PM
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Rob Banks Offline
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Post: #48
RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 02:04 PM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  School isn't worth it for most degrees. Just too damn expensive. If I was your age and in your situation I would be learning a trade.

I'd jump into construction. That way you could start rehabbing houses down the road and sell or rent out for cashflow. You would be way better off than most college graduates. My neighbor has been stacking some great money working for a company and has 3 rentals. Not much older than you. No college degrees.

I was trying to go to school for computer science. I think that degree is probably not worthless. The only thing is that if i go back to school this year, I will be 31 by the time I graduate. And my wife is a year older than me. I'm not sure she will wait around for me until she is 32.

As for construction, as far as I know, you can't jut "jump into" construction. It is a union job, and from what I've been told by people who are part of that union, it is near-impossible to get into the union unless you know the right people (which I don't).
01-12-2020 05:46 PM
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RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-11-2020 08:49 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  Update:

Earlier I mentioned that my wife used to have me pick up her meds for her at the pharmacy but that she changed pharmacies after the last time I acted out. It turns out that the reason her prescriptions are not at her pharmacy anymore is not because she switched pharmacies, but because she moved back home to South America. I don't have proof, but I have strong evidence to suggest she is in South America and no longer in the US. I could find out for sure very quickly by sending her a Grabify link, but I don't want to contact her just yet.

Never mind this. I think I may have been wrong about her leaving the country. I'm actually not sure, so I guess there's no use in speculating.
01-12-2020 10:33 PM
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RE: My wife left me and it's my fault
(01-12-2020 01:48 PM)mr_ks Wrote:  This is the problem. You are 27 and she is 29. You seem to be enjoying your life with drugs, poker and low-stress jobs. I am not too different. But you are a man and also younger than her. She needs a more mature person at this point in her life at 29. She left you for a reason and it looks like she doesnt want this aimless life anymore. But you've had some fun so far, so you shouldnt feel too bad. But you cant offer her a family anytime soon so it just looks like a disaster for her to give you another chance. Where would she be in another 10 years? But you sound like a funny guy who can probably get another, younger girl who may be into the pointless drama.

You dont want to be the guy who screwed her life up. You must give her a chance to find someone else and settle down. If it doest happen in a few years you can try again. In the meantime you have to move on because you have a lot of work to do.

Marriage is not a matter of convenience where you get to wreck a life and then simply walk away for your next do-over.

If she hasn't "moved on" (no such thing really) and neither has he then there is obviously more at play than the mere post-modern inconvenience of filing for divorce.

If he took your advice then he would continue on his path to self destruction. He has finally gotten the stick and now God is dangling the carrot on the other side of his quest to unfuck himself.

He would be ill advised to leave a wreck of his making and take the easy way out like you suggest.

Quote:You seem to be enjoying your life with drugs, poker and low-stress jobs. I am not too different.

OP this is why you have to be extremely careful getting advice. I'm not sure what thread KS is reading but I'm going to optimistically assume he skimmed the whole thing before he wrote this reply.

The last person you should listen to is someone who lives your depraved lifestyle but who hasn't hit rock bottom yet. They will pat you on the shoulder while you go feet first into the grinder if that's what it takes to feed their delusions that there's nothing wrong with the way they live their life.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 11:10 PM by Leonard D Neubache.)
01-12-2020 10:59 PM
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