Read The Forum Rules: We have a clear set of rules to keep the forum running smoothly. Click here to review them.

Post Reply 
General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Author Message
WombRaider Offline
Banned

Posts: 318
Joined: Mar 2018
Post: #126
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Quote:And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.

Isn't it beta to count the minutes like that, though?
(This post was last modified: 11-02-2019 09:58 AM by WombRaider.)
11-02-2019 09:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Avey Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 30
Joined: Jan 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #127
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
(11-02-2019 09:57 AM)WombRaider Wrote:  
Quote:And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.

Isn't it beta to count the minutes like that, though?

Yes, but all that matters is perception. I'm not saying set your clock to an exact time. It's just that answering right away after she let you wait an hour is bad, look at the text and set the phone down, come back in an hour or so.
11-02-2019 10:26 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Lamron300 Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #128
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
(11-02-2019 10:26 AM)Avey Wrote:  
(11-02-2019 09:57 AM)WombRaider Wrote:  
Quote:And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.

Isn't it beta to count the minutes like that, though?

Yes, but all that matters is perception. I'm not saying set your clock to an exact time. It's just that answering right away after she let you wait an hour is bad, look at the text and set the phone down, come back in an hour or so.

My paranoia is who she is talking to...she could be checking a group chat message or responding to a friend. But she could also be chatting to another guy. I mean shes gone on 3 dates with me and kissed me 3 times, so I guess if she is playing me she is playing the other people as well. When she gets back from holiday I need to make it known I'm romantically interested in her, but I don't want to seem 'keen'.
11-02-2019 10:55 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
redonion Offline
Woodpecker
**

Posts: 423
Joined: Nov 2013
Reputation: 5
Post: #129
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
I'm beginning to run into an issue in my LTR and need some advice. I'm not sure if this is a common situation or if I'm in big trouble.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years and we moved in together a few months ago. So far, living together has been great. No fights, she takes care of womanly duties like laundry, dishes, and cleaning. I provide 70-100% of rent money, and I've maintained my freedom. I am very happy with where I am in my relationship. There's only one problem - we are not having sex frequently. We are probably doing it 1 time per week, which has me concerned.

It's not like I'm hungry for sex and she's denying me. I'm mostly apathetic - either because it's no longer "fresh" or I have another issue like low T. However she doesn't initiate things either unless she's horny. Part of me feels like this is what happens when you're together with the same person for a long time. However, another part of me wonders what will happen 20+ years down the road if I decide to eventually marry this girl (which is at this point within the realm of possibility).

Is my situation normal, am I overthinking things? Or am I right to be concerned about this trajectory? If you think I have a reason to be concerned, what are some things I should be focusing on in order to resurrect the sexual tension?
(This post was last modified: 11-20-2019 09:31 PM by redonion.)
11-20-2019 09:30 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Leonard D Neubache Offline
Owl
******
Gold Member

Posts: 13,446
Joined: Mar 2016
Reputation: 216
Post: #130
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
1-2 years before marriage, tops.
3 years (total) before pregnancy.

Regardless of what her cultural conditioning is, her womb and her ring finger are saying "this guy isn't going to get it done".

Odds are fair the relationship will go downhill from here. Pulling up from this point is difficult. Her body itself has soured to your touch due to perceived infertility.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 11-20-2019 10:11 PM by Leonard D Neubache.)
11-20-2019 10:10 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes Leonard D Neubache's post:
Augustus_Principe
randomA Offline
Robin
*

Posts: 218
Joined: Aug 2017
Reputation: 0
Post: #131
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
(11-20-2019 09:30 PM)redonion Wrote:  There's only one problem - we are not having sex frequently.

When this starts to happen, statistically 100% of all my LTRs have gone quickly downhill from there to the point that either party falls out of love and wants out eventually, with either cheating on one's part or not.
I am sorry for not having a solution for this, because I was also burnt hard by similar events each time and have no idea of possible resolution.

This happens always after moving in together though. Routine together and comfort put the couple's focus on other activities; then daily wageslave lives get busy and sex goes out of the window altogether. Priorities simply change. Even if at first you still enjoy being together and do other things that not necessarily involve sex, lack of sex for some reason always preludes to bad things to come.

At this point the only thing I can think of is making kids: if the couple stagnates too long in the daily routine/comfort/low-frequency boring sex situation without moving to the next stage (kids?), then the whole relationship is doomed to fail.
I don't know, that's just what I seem to understand, but I have not tried it myself and don't know if it'll work. If you wait too long to make the next move, that's how it's been for me.
I also don't know if there is any other option except being forever single/alone living a bachelor life.
11-20-2019 11:00 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 3 users Like randomA's post:
WombRaider, questor70, Augustus_Principe
hkhathaj Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2019
Reputation: 1
Post: #132
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
(11-20-2019 09:30 PM)redonion Wrote:  It's not like I'm hungry for sex and she's denying me. I'm mostly apathetic - either because it's no longer "fresh" or I have another issue like low T. However she doesn't initiate things either unless she's horny.

Or am I right to be concerned about this trajectory?

In each of my relationships I had the problem that we had less sex than I wanted to. I have married my wife because we only had a little less, not much less :-). I think this is an inherent issue in human life that men have a stronger sex drive. It is logical if you see how we have children how our evolution works.

I think that if you are really apathetic and only initiate sex one a week then maybe there is some problem with your sex drive. You are too young for that. It could be a health issue.

(Or maybe you did not tell the whole truth because you do not want to admit that she turns you down? It happens to the bests you can admit that. It is important because we need a totally different approach in that case.)

I also feel some contradiction here: if it is you who does not want more then what is the problem? Why does it bother you? Do you think that you would want more sex but not with her? Did she emotionally abuse you so that you do not want her?

Are you on nofap? You should totally do nofap in this case. I can accept fap if you do not have enough sex and you need it as a relief. Fapping when you could also have sex with a real woman is not a good idea.

I think you are right to be concerned about the situation.
11-21-2019 12:54 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes hkhathaj's post:
questor70
skeletonkey Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2020
Reputation: 0
Post: #133
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Hi gents,
Complete newbie here, thanks for all the great advice a lot of you guys give first of all. For me heading into my 30s its getting much harder to find dudes that are still single, motivated and give good advice on this stuff. My question is have you all notice that EVERYONE seems to be more flaky these days and it seems to be universally acceptable, even amongst friends? Not replying to texts, cancelling last minute and not apologizing etc. How do you guys deal with this behavior or do you just accept it now? Thanks guys again I appreciate it.
01-01-2020 04:27 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Jazzman92 Offline
Robin
*

Posts: 249
Joined: Feb 2013
Reputation: 0
Post: #134
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Hi guys Im in my first LTR atm and Im pretty inexperienced in this area so I figured I'd post my question here,

So basically my gf and I were supposed to hang out last night, however she couldnt make it because she had to stay at home to take care of her mom who has a few health issues right now. Her brother was supposed to be there but he had to bail so the responsibility was thrown onto her. I have no issue with her being busy, especially for an issue like this, however she told me at the very last minute instead of earlier on in the day. This also isnt the first time she's done this. Whenever somethings come up she cancels at the very last minute, which I feel shows a complete disregard for my time. Last night I got a bit angry so I messaged her that I dont appreciate her cancelling at the very end without giving me any notice. She was very apologetic and assured me it would never happen again and also said she would make it up to me today. Its about 1 in the afternoon at the moment and I havent gotten any message to set up a date or go out anywhere yet. I could ask her what time shes free, but out of principle I refuse to be the one to arrange a meet up. I feel like the person that made the mistake should take the initiative to rectify the issue. The question I have is if she doesnt end up messaging me today, or messages me very late in the afternoon/evening, should I call her out on it? A part of me wants to say something, but a part of me feels like that would be beta and show needy behaviour. Should I just give her less of my attention and ignore her for a little while or tell her I am displeased with her actions?
(This post was last modified: 02-15-2020 09:12 PM by Jazzman92.)
02-15-2020 09:11 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
thedream Offline
Sparrow

Posts: 66
Joined: Oct 2019
Reputation: 1
Post: #135
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
(02-15-2020 09:11 PM)Jazzman92 Wrote:  Hi guys Im in my first LTR atm and Im pretty inexperienced in this area so I figured I'd post my question here,

So basically my gf and I were supposed to hang out last night, however she couldnt make it because she had to stay at home to take care of her mom who has a few health issues right now. Her brother was supposed to be there but he had to bail so the responsibility was thrown onto her. I have no issue with her being busy, especially for an issue like this, however she told me at the very last minute instead of earlier on in the day. This also isnt the first time she's done this. Whenever somethings come up she cancels at the very last minute, which I feel shows a complete disregard for my time. Last night I got a bit angry so I messaged her that I dont appreciate her cancelling at the very end without giving me any notice. She was very apologetic and assured me it would never happen again and also said she would make it up to me today. Its about 1 in the afternoon at the moment and I havent gotten any message to set up a date or go out anywhere yet. I could ask her what time shes free, but out of principle I refuse to be the one to arrange a meet up. I feel like the person that made the mistake should take the initiative to rectify the issue. The question I have is if she doesnt end up messaging me today, or messages me very late in the afternoon/evening, should I call her out on it? A part of me wants to say something, but a part of me feels like that would be beta and show needy behaviour. Should I just give her less of my attention and ignore her for a little while or tell her I am displeased with her actions?


My advice is to call her out on it but in a sarcastic, joking way. Keep it lighthearted. Just feel light.

"If you do that again I am going to have to really spank you."

Do what's most congruent to your personality.

Maybe you are more of a serious guy and that wouldn't flow. Even if you have to tell her openly hey I don't appreciate it when my time is wasted, don't make a big deal out of it and keep things light. If you make a big deal out of it or make things like a heavy issue, you lose.

Don't make it out to be like a lecture or a serious talk but do let her know that you noticed it and it bothered you.

If it keeps happening over and over then it's not a good sign. But most women do this, it just seems to be their nature.

I completely understand the problem of not wanting to initiate when it feels like it's the other person's turn. This happens in business all the time.

The way to do deal with it is to take the initiative but without any hurt feelings involved. I do this all the time when I am waiting for an email and I don't feel like waiting anymore. I just nudge the person in a cool, casual way ("the follow up") so that I don't need to sit there waiting.

So take the initiative and lead the interaction forward by getting a confirmation from her if you are going to meet up. That way you are not wasting your time waiting for her.

The general theme here is to not get too deep into a conversation about any of the issues and just keep moving things forward (leading) and positive.

Just my 2 cents. I am NOT a relationships expert but this is the general way I would handle it based on what you said and my limited knowledge of the context. That is my disclaimer Smile
(This post was last modified: 02-16-2020 12:07 AM by thedream.)
02-16-2020 12:05 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes thedream's post:
Jazzman92
Aquinas Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2016
Reputation: 0
Post: #136
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Hi there, guys. I've been reading this forum for quite awhile, but my last post was quite a long time ago.

Anyway, I'm post on this thread since I don't really know where else to do it, so here goes.

I'm a pretty quiet fellow, and making friends doesn't seem to come easy or naturally. Heck, I was even afraid to post here for a long time. And I think that, maybe God has punished me with this disconnection with others for my having strayed from the flock. Or maybe that's just pride talking.

I have wanted to come back to the Lord for some time, as when I have prayed, or have been around those more devout than I who've given me a window into what I'm missing, I felt a sense of...relief you could call it. Like this is what I should be doing.

But after so long away from my faith, I don't know what to do right or what I've been doing wrong. If any of you have the time or inclination to guide this eager student, it would be very much appreciated.
02-17-2020 07:25 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
kel Offline
Kingfisher
***

Posts: 617
Joined: Dec 2019
Reputation: 3
Post: #137
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
I won't make any comment on God punishing you, but please join the New Testament reading group if you're interested, it just started yesterday with the book of Matthew. I'm a few pages in and will post tomorrow hopefully to get the convo started.

I'll let others talk about how to pray, because I'd be interested in it as well. I've been saying the rosary nightly for several weeks now, as a form of meditation as much as prayer. I'm tentatively "following" Orthodoxy as I explore Christianity, but I do like the Catholic rosary, especially the hail holy queen, and I like the rhythm of doing it nightly.
02-17-2020 07:44 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes kel's post:
Augustus_Principe
Aquinas Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2016
Reputation: 0
Post: #138
RE: General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly
Thank you for the suggestions, kel. I have been looking for a focused way to catch up on scripture. It also seems that, in the schedule in your link, my timing's pretty good too.

And funny you mention the Catholic rosary, Hail Holy Queen and the like, as I've been praying those too, sporadically. Could certainly use the meditation.
02-18-2020 08:43 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | RooshV.com | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication